


take me over

by soudont



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Wet Dream, and confused, meant to be just soudam but can be seen as souniadam, souda is miserable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 04:51:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15878916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soudont/pseuds/soudont
Summary: He wants him.





	take me over

He sighs gently as Tanaka runs his fingers down his sides.

Kazuichi doesn’t exactly know how they ended up like this, but as he knots his fingers into the other boy’s hair, he can’t seem to find his ability to care. He feels desperate and his body aches with need for the other.

He feels the breeder press a kiss to his exposed neck and it makes him shiver. He wants to kiss him. He’s never wanted to kiss anybody more, not even Sonia.

He makes eye contact with Tanaka, who’s looming above him, and leans up to press his lips against his.

Tanaka’s lips feel soft and warm and they captivate the mechanic. Kazuichi hums in contentment, pleased with the feeling the other’s lips was bringing. He feels Tanaka’s cold fingertips trace against his stomach and slowly start moving down towards his boxers. His fingers hook and- and-

And that’s when Kazuichi wakes up.

He groans loudly into his pillow.  _Not again._

The Ultimate Mechanic had been getting these “dreams” for a while now. He wants out of them. He feels disgusting, and he’s certain that Tanaka would find him disgusting as well. Yet, here he was; His cock aching and begging for attention.

So, he runs his fingers down his stomach and shudders.

He closes his eyes, and tries to imagine something that will help get this over with. He imagines it’s Sonia, tracing her perfectly taken care of nails over his pectorals, whispering soft things into his ears. He causes himself to feel submissive, vulnerable, as he moans softly into the quiet of his dorm room.

She starts taking off his boxers and he slides out of them, feeling his hips and inner thighs, shivering slightly. He’s sensitive. He wants to run his fingers through Sonia’s hair, caress her face, kiss her soft lips, accidentally hit her “charm” only to have her complain about it, have her hamsters accidentally interrupt-

Sonia doesn’t own hamsters.

_Damn it!_

He feels dirty. Sonia is a taken woman.

Tanaka is a taken man.

He feels dirty, disgusting, jealous.

But not of Tanaka.

He doesn’t want to date Tanaka. At least he doesn’t think so. He just wants his body, right?

But he’s not gay, right?

He feels bitter as he imagines Sonia and Tanaka holding each other. Brushing their lips together.

He feels tears prick in the corner of his eyes and he immediately wants to crawl into a corner and disappear. They love each other, not him.

His fingers wrap around the base of his dick and he chokes quietly. Nothing feels right anymore. He just wants to get off and feel sorry for himself.

He imagines grey bangs falling into his face. He imagines bandaged fingers pressing into his hips. He imagines pearly white teeth sinking into the flesh of his neck. He imagines a deep voice whispering sweet things into his ear. He imagines Tanaka, Tanaka fucking Gundham, as he strokes his cock hard and fast, just as he imagines Tanaka doing it.

And he cums hard, a tear slipping onto his cheek.

His heart hurts a lot and he can’t understand why. He doesn’t even like, much less love, Tanaka. He never did. Why is he jealous of Sonia? He should be jealous of Tanaka.

Yet he isn’t.

So, he cries.

His sobs echo throughout his sound proof room, and he caves in on himself. His nails bite into his arms, and all he can ponder is if Tanaka would care to see him cry. If Tanaka would hold him and comfort him. If Tanaka-

He stops himself right there. The answer is fairly simple: Probably not.

He wants to scream. He wants to bang his head on the walls and scream. Everything hurts.

His lip stings as he bites into it, sharp teeth sinking into it. He tastes blood and he can’t seem to care. He wonders if anybody would. Tanaka wouldn’t.

He tugs at his hair and cries and cries and cries. His eyes sting and snot is running out of his nose. His heart aches.

He hiccups constantly and decides to drag himself out of his bed after slipping his boxers back on. Tears are still spilling and his vision is blurry. He reaches onto his bedside table to grab his glasses and places them on the bridge of his nose, then swings his legs over the edge of his bed and stumble into his connected bathroom.

He looks into the mirror and his nose crinkles up. He looks like a mess, and he feels like its no wonder Sonia or Tanaka aren’t attracted to him in the slightest. He spits at his reflection. He hates himself. He hates himself so much.

He runs the water and splashes his face before slugging back into the main room. He glances at his electric clock. 8:04.

He knows Miss Yukizome is going to come get him soon, but he doesn’t care. He chokes out another sob.

He doesn’t want to go to class just to see Tanaka and Sonia and feel worthless all over again.

Sure, Kuzuryuu and Hinata were there, but they would just ask (or in Kuzuryuu’s case; demand) what has been going on with him lately. He doesn’t want to deal with that either. He’d rather shut himself in.

A loud banging on the door snapped him out of his thoughts and he knew right away it was his teacher. He doesn’t answer the door though, and soon enough the door is bursted open to reveal Miss Yukizome.

She looks like shes about to yell at him before she notices his current state and her face softens drastically. She walks over and tilts his chin towards her, a pitiful expression lingering on her lips, before pulling him into a hug.

He breaks down again and cries out, shoulders sagging and immediately letting his face fall onto her shoulder. His hands shake as he lets them hang there, unsure of whether or not to hug her back. Kazuichi can feel her hand rubbing his back gently, carefully, just like his mother used to. He sobs louder.

He decides then that he doesn’t want to love Sonia, Tanaka, or even anybody if it hurts this much.

His body is shuddering with grief at this point, and he’s pretty sure that his teacher whispered something among the likes of “you don’t have to come to class today”. He sighs, but it’s interrupted by another cry. He tries to nod, but it’s almost as if his body has given up responding to him. She seems to sense this and helps him get to his bed, and lays him down there.

She asks if he needs anything and he has to stop himself from saying “Tanaka.” Instead he shakes his head, holding back any tears threatening to fall. She nods unsurely, a concerned look on her face as she walks out of the room, wishing for him to feel better soon. He wishes that himself.

He realizes then that when she returns to his class without him, his classmates might become concerned. He doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want them to be concerned about him. He doesn’t feel like he’s worth concern at that moment.

He almost laughs as he buries himself in his bed; He kind of sounds like Komaeda.

Maybe he should just accept it, like Komaeda would.

He wants Tanaka Gundham. Maybe even likes- no, maybe admire is a better word- him. He admires him. He wants to touch him, hold him, kiss him, fuck him, even just be with him. But he’s too miserable for someone like Tanaka.

He isn’t gay. He still likes girls, specifically Sonia, so he isn’t gay, but he’s _something_. There’s probably a word for it out there somewhere. He wants boys and girls. He wants Sonia and Tanaka. _Tanaka_.

He doesn’t know what he wants anymore. Does he want Sonia? Help? Pity? Love?

Tanaka?

No. That hurts too much.

He wants to be free of this heartache. He doesn’t want to date anyone. He doesn’t want to love Tanaka, not anymore. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with him. At least, he doesn’t think he does.

But he thinks Sonia is pretty lucky to be able to.


End file.
